OMG, Texting for Dummies

“OMG, Texting for Dummies”

Steinbeck, Dickens, Shakespeare, Hemingway, Chesterton. What do they all have in common? If you said that they all wore funny clothes, you would be correct. But a lesser known fact is that they were all quite respectable authors (They wrote books and stuff). But could they text? I think not. Some of you are probably thinking, “Travis you idiot, they died before texting began.” We’ll see who’s the idiot. Check it. Texting as we know it might not have been around, but acronyms were. Now, don’t you feel stupid? Some say Shakespeare was clever, but if Romeo would have read my book, “OMG, Texting for Dummies,” he wouldn’t have had to drink that hemlock. Case in point:

“OMG, what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who BTW, is already sick and pale with grief
B/C her maid, IMO, art far more fair than she. K.

xoxoxo
TTYL”

See how a few simple acronyms can change the course of a relationship. Which Romeo would you want at your window? Mine is a total playa.

Now that you realize the potential, I’ll let you in on a few secrets found in my book.

1. Acronyms are the currency of the future. Don’t spend “HA” and “LOL” to quickly. Your textee, will think you’re fickle. A well placed “LOL” could get you:
-The job you always wanted
-The bff you’ve been trying to win over
-The qt you’ve had your eye on
-All sorts of other stuff

2. Placement is key. For example. This was taken from a recent email I received from a friend.

“A family of lemurs has taken up residence amongst my keyboard gear, which is odd because lemurs only live on the African island nation of Madagascar.”

Now, how I respond to that email could make or break my relationship with said friend. This friend, Aaron Abitia, happens to be the best texter/instant messenger I’ve ever met, so I’ve got a lot riding on this response. If I respond, “OMG, lemurs!?” That would tell Aaron that I don’t get his joke. What if I respond, “NP, TTYL.” Well, that would tell Aaron that I don’t give a crap about him and wasn’t even paying attention to his email. I think the proper response is, “LOL. Dude, lemurs are diurnal.” Which doesn’t make any sense, but now he thinks that I think that he’s funny…AND, I used a big word.

I hope this was helpful for you all as you embark on the long journey that is texting dominance. Please pick up my book because you won’t last long without it. My Spanish teacher used to make us speak Spanish in the classroom, so if you leave comments, I will have to ask you to use at least one textism in the body of your comment.

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