“What is that on your arm!?” he asked with a disgusted face.
“It’s a burn,” I replied.
“What happened?” he asked.
“I burned myself on my motorcycle,” I said
“You have a motorcycle,” he asked, looking skeptical.
When I confirmed his question, his head almost exploded. I understand the confusion, given my body type and general feminine qualities. However, your confusion is misguided chumps, because I am all man. Actually, that’s not completely true, so the motorcycle question is a valid one. I shall take your questions now….
Q: “Is your ‘motorcycle’ really a Vespa?” (Sally from Orlando)
A: “No Sally, you smart ass. It’s a ’95 Honda Magna”
Q: “Is it pink?” (Nick from Los Angeles)
A: “No, but it is purple…which is the color of royalty.”
Q: “How did you burn yourself on the arm? Don’t most people who get motorcycle burns get them on their legs?” (Jenn from Arroyo Grande, who also happens to be the wife of the victim)
A: “Good question, Jenn. Yes they do usually get them on their legs, but I was syncing the carburetors and was trying to get to a screw with my arm, not my leg.”
Q: “You know what carburetors are?” (Jenn…again)
A: “Not until I Googled it. Which is probably why I burned myself.”
Now that we’re all caught up, I should tell you that the burn was pretty gnarly, but it’s healing nicely. Jenn thinks I’ll have a scar, which is pretty cool. So now I’m a man with a motorcycle AND a scar. What’s up now, fools!! So if you see a tiny man riding a purple motorcycle, give him a little wave – or a salute. A salute would be much cooler.