The Body

I’ve been told a bunch of times that I look like Adam Levine, but with the body of Hugh Jackman. Like if the two of them had a love child, it would be me. I’m not gonna lie…I get it. My physique is to fitness what green is to grass. Through my veins flows 50% creatine and 30% wild oak. The other 20%, you ask? Don’t need it. I can do with 80% what you do with 100%.

My wife told me a while back that she didn’t want me to die, so I should start exercising. Really!? Those are my only two options?

I decided that dying is only slightly worse than exercising, so when the wife bought Jillian Michaels’ “Ripped in 30” DVD, I began the longest 30 days of my life. We were about 35 days from going to Hawaii at the time, so I didn’t have any time to dilly-dally. If you’ve seen me lately, you know the videos worked. I’ve got the body of a woman.

I started to get a little worried about the target audience for the videos when, during the Kegel exercise section, Jillian said, “You want to wear that strapless dress, ladies? I need three more!” I asked Jenn, “Are these videos for girls?” She told me that they weren’t, but I can’t help but think that she was wrong.

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